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Monthly Archives: August 2012

Dealing with Anxiety

We’ve all felt anxious before. It’s the feeling we get when we get into the unknowns of life and we’re not sure how to deal with it. Sometimes we get so caught up in the anxiety of a situation we don’t do anything in order to avoid the situation. Instead of dealing with our anxiety, we avoid it. The best way to get over the anxiety is to face the situation and learn from it. Anxiety is the manifestation of everything internal that tells you why you can’t or shouldn’t resolve the issue or deal with the situation.

Think of a time when you were anxious about something. You created a whole fantasy of the numerous outcomes that could, should, would, might possibly, never, absolutely will or will not happen. The reality is that none of those outcomes is the truth. The truth is that you are feeling what we all feel in moments of unclarity: insecurity. This is where we grow as individuals. Where we define our integrity. Where we identify our authentic selves.

When you begin to feel anxiety and insecurity creeping in, there are several things to keep in mind and some key questions to ask yourself before your assumptions take over. First identify what you are anxious about: a situation, a person, a relationship, or a decision you need to make. Anxiety will manifest itself differently in each case, but will be rooted in the level of insecurity you feel about each case. Situations are a matter of perspective, people and relationships are a matter of the responses of another, and decisions are a matter of perceived importance.

Once you have identified the source of your anxiety, ask why. Why are you anxious. The answer you find within yourself should be truthful and possibly awkward. It will be awkward because you will realize your insecurity. When you realize your insecurity, you will be able to effectively move toward getting through it.

When was the last time you felt anxious about something? How did you get though it? Let me hear from you! Leave a comment below and follow me on Twitter @alexdbarba!

Pictures:

Comfort Zone

Batman

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Posted by on August 28, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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The Power of Thank You

Saying Thank You is the most basic form of showing appreciation for something or somebody, but we often times take it for granted. We often blow through it so fast it’s been abridged to thanks or just thxIt may seem insignificant, but think of it as a reputation builder. People remember the people who show appreciation for others because they are the ones who care. It’s about being sincere. Think of the people in your life whether they’re family, acquaintances, co-workers, or employees. Chances are you may not know everything about them, but you’ll remember the ones who care and the ones who are ungrateful.

We’ve all seen the distinction between people who are auditory, visual, and kinesthetic in the ways that they process information. Auditory people need to hear it, visual people need to see it, and kinesthetic people need to feel it. Appreciation is experienced the same way. Visual people are more responsive to gifts: cards, letter, flowers, pictures etc. They can visually see these tokens of appreciation and know they are loved. The kinesthetic person, on the other hand, is more responsive to the physical contact of a hug or handshake. Identifying which style a person is can be the difference in making an impact on them when showing your appreciation. Think of the ways you show appreciation to people and determine if you’re being effective. The best practice is to find the balance among the styles and, of course, not being a sycophant.

Showing appreciation for others by thanking them for all that they do is a key fundamental to building relationships. They take the time to show you they care about you, so it’s your responsibility to return the favor. The positive symbiotic relationship that you create will attract others to your success circles and you’ll be invited to join others’ circles. But while you’re appreciating those around you, don’t forget to take the time to appreciate yourself. Go to your happy place, read that book you’ve been putting off because of work, sleep in late, do nothing for a day; point is: Do what make you happy. Do what you want to do. The only way we can begin to help others is by helping ourselves once in a while. A life of serving others is noble, but not when it’s to your own detriment.

I want to also thank you for reading and following my blog!

When was the last time you said thank you to somebody truly important? Let me hear from you! Leave a comment below and follow me on Twitter @alexdbarba!

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Thank You

Doing Nothing

 
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Posted by on August 25, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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Dealing with Failure

What is failure? We all have a different definition for it, but there is an underlying feature to failure we all experience. That experience or emotion we feel is disappointment. Disappointment can be experienced in many ways: shame, embarrassment, letdown, sad. Each varying form of the emotion has a negative impact on you and can deter you from your goals.

Thomas Edison is known for saying “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” The key to recognizing failure is accepting it and learning from it. Recognizing failure starts with the feedback you ask from the people in your support network. As discussed in the previous post, failure just means you got off course and it’s time to get back on your course. As long as you keep trying your hardest, you’ll be able to effectively get back on your track to achieving your dreams.

When you realize you’re off course, it’s time to accept it. The feedback you’ve received thus far is your indicator that you’ve failed, but it’s also the stake at the cross roads you can use to get back on course. Start by thanking your accurate feedback sources for their input and time and write down their input. Writing down these suggestions will open up your mind to the experiences you came across and really display everything you have learned. Categorize your experiences into segments regarding family, relationships, clients, employees, and for yourself. This way you can begin to identify the many ways you learned to do it better the next time around.

People tend to focus on their failures and ignore, overlook, and trivialize their success. Recognizing your successes, not matter how small, is important. Remember, the small daily successes is an element of the mosaic that will become your goals and dreams. Writing down your success on a daily, weekly, and/or monthly basis is the best way to develop your inner coach and put the doubter in the back seat. If you took the time to write out your success, how many times would it outnumber your failures? Writing them down and acknowledging them is the only way to see that you succeed more than you fail. Your successes should tell you that you can’t and won’t quit. You never know what amazing new success could be added to your list.

Think of the last time you failed? What form of emotion did you manifest? Let me hear from you! Leave a comment below and follow me on Twitter @alexdbarba!

 
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Posted by on August 23, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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Avoid the Icebergs, Course Correct

Listening to criticism can be difficult. Even under the guise of being constructive. But if we recognize the power of criticism, we can value it as feedback. Feedback is necessary for us to stay on course in the pursuit of our goals and dreams. We all like and appreciate the positive feedback we receive because it’s the reinforcement to stay the course, but negative feedback can be just as valuable in keeping us on course. Take time out from your pursuits and ask for feedback (you must be specific!). You may be surprised at how far off course you can get.

There are several key things to keep in mind when asking for and receiving feedback. Reestablish your No Exceptions Rule. This will prevent you from quitting. When you quit, you don’t allow yourself the opportunity to prove that you can accomplish your goals and dreams. You can’t prove the nay-Sayers wrong and worst of all, you feed your inner doubt which inhibits your inner integrity and cripples your authentic self.

Feedback is going to feel personal. It’s your responsibility to not let it get the best of you. Responding negatively to negative feedback is only going to fuel the inner doubter and put you on the fast track to quitting. Instead, think of it as a reminder that you are off course from what you’re ultimately trying to achieve. The source of the feedback may see something that you are missing and is trying to help you course correct. There are also bad sources of feedback. These sources offer inaccurate and not useful to your course. Take a detailed look at the source and typically you will find a person who doesn’t have your best interest at heart and the feedback is coming from their own distortions of reality.

For feedback to work, you have to be willing to open yourself up to it and not ignore it. You may be missing out on something significant.

Do you ask for feedback? How do you deal with it?Let me hear from you! Leave a comment below and follow me on Twitter @alexdbarba!

Pictures:

Titanic

Feedback

 
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Posted by on August 22, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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T.H.I.N.K. Before You Speak

Never miss an opportunity to keep your mouth shut

Have you ever noticed the person at the party or group that always has something to say? I don’t mean the person who is entertaining the group, but the one who make the small side remarks that are off putting or snide. These remarks are often sarcastic in nature and are intended to harm the person they are about. If you’re like me, you will dissociate yourself from people like this because they add to the caustic environment that doesn’t add value to your life. More importantly, have you ever been the one to make such a remark? For those who know me, you know I won’t be the one talking the most, but I will be the one listening and focusing on thinking before I speak.

There is a simple acronym that can be applied when assessing whether what you say should be shared:

Ask Is it….?

True?

Helpful?

Inspiring?

Necessary?

Kind?

Putting thought into the things you say does several things. It adds to your credibility with others by saying things that truly add value to the conversation; you begin to say what you mean and mean what you say because you speak with authority that begins with your integrity; and when you’re speaking in line with your integrity, you’ll be sincere in what you say. This is how you can begin to effectively share your message, thoughts, opinions, and can step into your authentic self around others.

It’s not only what you say that will matter. It’s how you say it that is important. This is the core of thinking before you speak. Only when you identify who you are and where your integrity lies will you begin to effectively share what you have to say with sincerity. We’ve all met or known somebody who says one thing, but the tone of their voice and their body language tell a whole different story. The disconnect may be very subtle, but it’s devastating to the message if you’re not sincere. Think about how it made you feel when somebody told you one thing, but the vibe was another. It leaves you unsettled and possibly even more put out by that person. By thinking before you speak, you add the integrity and sincerity to your message that is essential to building credibility and to create relationships.

What have you said that you regretted? Did you make the effort to make amends? Let me hear from you! Leave a comment below and follow me on Twitter @alexdbarba!

Pictures:

House

House 2

 
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Posted by on August 20, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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Don’t Ignore the Small Things

“Don’t sweat the small stuff… and it’s all small stuff!” is a common phrase intended to help us get over the little troubles of life to help us keep an eye on the big picture. Defining the “small stuff” is ambiguous because what’s minor to me can be major to you or vice versa. For instance, I mind loaning out my personal books to people because I like to maintain their condition; my grandma on the other hand reads them and trades them in for new ones and gives them to others to read. Neither of us is more right or wrong, we’re just different. It’s also a key factor in not taking it personally. Somebody’s decisions and behavior is an aspect of what they value and where they will place their efforts. It matters to them because they deem it to be a major aspect of their life. They will do the same for you; what’s important to you may not be important to them.

Handling the little things is an important aspect of finding out who you really are so that when the big things in life come at you, you’re prepared. Apply the little lessons for what really matters because you never know when you’ll need it! Andy Andrews’s recent post equates the small things to going the extra mile. Overall success won’t happen overnight, but it will with the accumulation of paying attention to the small things. Take some time and write a list of the small things in your life and how they bother you. Next write out several action steps you can take to resolve them. While you’re writing, envision yourself at the end, especially what you hope to accomplish by solving the little problems. By identifying what you want to accomplish, you’ll help define the person you want to be. This will be your compass as you make the necessary decisions to get from where you are to where you want to be.

Small Details Matter

Being attentive to the small things is what will help you also become consistent throughout your life. Consistency also means reliability; reliability in your relationships, agreements with others, and agreements you make with yourself.

What small efforts do you pay attention to? Why? How do you hope they pay off? Or is there an instance where a small effort paid off? Let me hear from you! Leave a comment below and follow me on Twitter @alexdbarba!

Pictures:

Small Efforts

Vader

 
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Posted by on August 15, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

Create a Relationship: Be Sincere

Relationships with people are probably the hardest thing to create, build, and maintain. They can be forced, coincidental, spontaneous, and even unlikely. But no matter the nature of a relationship, there must be mutual trust and a certain likeability for a relationship to build. A fundamental lesson that I learned when meeting people and creating relationships is share first, give always. With this approach, you can begin to establish value not only for yourself, but for the relationships you create.

This principle is simple. When meeting new people, don’t have the what can you do for me mentality. It’s the surest way to end the relationship before it even had the chance. When we push others to do things we create resistance and friction. The harder the push, the fiercer the resistance becomes. It’s the straight questions with sincerity behind them that matter. Truly mean it when you ask somebody How are you?. If you don’t mean it (because it’s the means to your selfish intent), they will pick up on it and it’s over. Taking a genuine interest in another person is what will help develop honesty and trust.

Being genuine and sincere when approaching people also helps attract new people. The energy you create about yourself will have a pull effect on the people around you and causes a ripple effect to those you meet to bring in new people, new relationships, and new possibilities. The relationships you create with the people in your life will intrinsically create mutual value for you because you become the median of the people you surround yourself with. Your sincere and genuine personality will provide the positive and supportive environment you need to succeed!

Measure your level of sincerity when you meet somebody for the first time or if it’s with a friend or acquaintance. Let me hear from you! Leave a comment below and follow me on Twitter @alexdbarba!

 

 
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Posted by on August 14, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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