Monthly Archives: November 2012

Double Standards

I talk a lot about integrity. That’s because I believe it is what defines each and every one of us in our core. It what allows us to be our authentic selves and gives the ability to express it to the world. Along with the things that help us find that inner integrity to express our authentic selves, there are behaviors and actions that detract from finding our integrity. From not honoring, resenting others, and to maintaining double standards.

Double standards hold ourselves to different standards than those around us. Not only are we fabricating our integrity, but it’s an outright lie. One of the first principles I shared was about how we deal with other people and how we can change our perception so that it doesn’t cost ourselves more harm than it should. But those principles can only exist and be practiced if we know who we are and what we stand for. We can allow others to believe what they believe, say what they say, and do what they do because it’s about them and their own story. It’s not about us. When we begin to engage them in their conduct and impart our values upon other, we had better be certain where it is that our integrity lies.

Beyond the standards that we hold and judge other on, it speaks enough about who we want to be as individuals. But reaffirming our personal agreements that we make with for ourselves isn’t enough. It requires commitment and practice. We can tell ourselves “only just this once,” but it accumulates to the double standards that we carry for the rest of our lives. We need to take the time to asses what little exceptions we make in our lives and stop them. It may not happen over night, in a week, in a month, or a year; but it’s the small steps that make the big changes. The big change we want to see and experience is the ability to be comfortable and confident in the integrity that we have built, found, and share with the world.

What double standards do you hold? Have you changed your outlook because you weren’t holding the same standard for yourself? Let me hear from you! Leave a comment below and follow me on Twitter @alexdbarba!

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Posted by on November 28, 2012 in Uncategorized


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Honoring Our Integrity

This post is a bit more personal in nature because I am going to share some personal perspectives and relate them to the principles I have shared over the course of my blog. The recent development about Gen. David Patraeus’ indiscretions serves as a learning opportunity for all of us when it comes to the agreements we make in life and the integrity we establish within ourselves. These behaviors are not new, probably more common than we want to admit, and will most definitely be prevalent throughout our lives. Not even some of the most famous and revered people have fallen: Tiger Woods, Kobe Bryant, JFK, Martin Luther King Jr, and the list goes on. It can speak volumes of their character without them ever having said a word or even getting to know us.

What it comes down to is our integrity. It comes down to what we believe, the type of person we want to be, and the kind of lives we want to lead. The agreements we make in life, regardless of the nature of these agreements, are a part of the mosaic of our lives that define us. They define us because that’s how we want to be defined; by our own volition. If we want to be remembered for something,  The person who makes and breaks agreements is not the person we should want to be.

Sometimes the terms of our agreements change and that’s okay, but when they change, make it known that something is different. Sometimes they change for the better and sometimes they change for the worst; that’s the nature of life. It’s how we deal with that change that will define or alter our integrity. By engaging the change and seeking understanding is how we grow. The subversive, indiscretionary behaviors that so many engage in benefit nobody and deviate us from our integrity.

When we knowingly deviate from our authentic-selves and integrity, it can become a heavy burden. The longer we go without resolving the internal conflict the further away we become from ourselves. Only with a clear conscious can we move on and begin the process of getting in touch with our authentic-self. Even then, our integrity is forever changed. Those people who go through life denying this fact and justifying their behavior with fabricated bravado do so at their own detriment.

Think of the last time you found out about another’s indiscretion? How did you react? Was it somebody close to you? Let me hear from you! Leave a comment below and follow me on Twitter @alexdbarba!

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Posted by on November 14, 2012 in Uncategorized


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The Petty Grudge

We’ve seen it before and probably experienced it before. Holding a grudge against somebody because of something they may have done wrong is the worst way to handle ill feelings about somebody. More times than not, it’s something so silly that it’s embarrassing. We need to learn to let it go and have a talk. It’s time to be the bigger person and admit that something isn’t working and it needs to be addressed. By not dealing with it, we allow it to reside deep inside and can create resentment and anger. The fuming anger ball that overwhelms us commandeers our emotions and judgement. Take control before it does.

Holding a grudge is that ever-present pill that we swallow and expect the effects to harm the other person. We don’t know how long it’ll last, but we know we didn’t do anything wrong! Right? Well, odds are we’re just as culpable in the “grudge match.” Bottom line is that if it wasn’t some egregious act, then it’s silly and we need to get over it. Really assess as to why we’re so upset with the situation and if it’s worth it. By letting it go, we’re doing ourselves a favor.

Instead of holding it inside, take the extra effort and steps to talk to somebody; especially if we’re in conflict with somebody. Only by talking to them can we really find resolution and move on. It’s going to be uncomfortable, but remember the purpose of the talk: getting the conflict out on the table in order to better the relationship. The intent is not to hurt each others’ feelings, but to have a candid conversation about what’s wrong and where to go from here. If we’re not sure on what to say, rehearse the conversation we want to have in our head before hand. Really focus on visualizing what we want to say and how we want to say it. Ask for feedback from a close, trusted friend. Often times they might have insight or ask a question we never thought about that will change our entire perspective!

Holding a grudge? Why? What steps have you taken to resolve the issue? Let me hear from you! Leave a comment below and follow me on Twitter @alexdbarba!

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Posted by on November 6, 2012 in Uncategorized


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